feel like throwing up, saying fuck this shit fuck you all just fuck it's 1:29am i want to sleep but i have an outline to write
fuck shit fuck
you know,
you really did ruin a lot of things for me. It's probably not your fault but it's what's happened nonetheless. I've lost dignity, integrity and now I lie complete lies with a straight face and play dumb. A defense mechanism, that's all. You could've reaped the benefits. Instead you were too preoccupied. Do you think I'm a fool? A fucking hopeless fool? So much potential initially, strange, what the hell is she thinking, what a shame... is that what you think, shrugging it off nodding as everyone nods in a mutual agreement? I'll tell you what, you all are too quick to judge. What's wrong with being a vegan, what's wrong with a bit of tastelessness that doesn't jive perfectly with your self-absorbed preferences? Piss off man, now I'm lost and I need to find my way back. In a few weeks, I'll burn some shit.
And all I want to do is listen to Radiohead. That's all. And study. Get good grades. Blow off all my money on concerts and music festivals. Read, read a lot and sip a lot of tea. I'll go where I want to when I want to, fuck off. Yeah I'm being a selfish little bitch. I'm sorry but still though...fuck off.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
okay
okay OKAY OOOOKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY 5 more days okay 5 more then I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee LET'S GO DAWG WKJEKKJHWEKRQUHUQU!!!!!!!
temporary
i don't want to go to work i don't want to go to work i don't want to go to work 5 more times i hope i can make it ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Friday, February 24, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
pogo
I'm in the library sitting by this dude.
Another kid is coming down the stairs. The first dude raises his hand.
They share a quick greet (bro-code and everything) as the first dude gets up to leave his table for a bit.
The friend unpacks his study materials and what do you know, slides a candy bar under his friend's book, keeping one for himself.
The dude comes back. He notices, gestures to the candy bar as if to say thanks man. His friend gestures back with a thumbs up: "got yo back man." And points at his share. They smirk and go right back to studying.
Sometimes I wish I were a dude.
Another kid is coming down the stairs. The first dude raises his hand.
They share a quick greet (bro-code and everything) as the first dude gets up to leave his table for a bit.
The friend unpacks his study materials and what do you know, slides a candy bar under his friend's book, keeping one for himself.
The dude comes back. He notices, gestures to the candy bar as if to say thanks man. His friend gestures back with a thumbs up: "got yo back man." And points at his share. They smirk and go right back to studying.
Sometimes I wish I were a dude.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
weird
Lately
been thinking about my psychology. My own
Conclusion: I'm scatterbrained.
Like, way too frequently than the level of social acceptance.
The longer I work as a server, the more this solidifies in me. To print a customer's bill, I have to enter the total amount into the POS system. Often I look at the number, say $46.53, and remember it as $34 or something completely without reason. It's not even worth pointing out that I can't memorize all 4 digits at once.
When I check the clock, it's as if I go through the motion of turning to look at the clock and turn back to my work, only to realize that I have no idea what the clock said.
I was working on a physics question "What is the distance traveled by the plane in the first second of its run?" I stared at this for a good 30 seconds trying to decipher the meaning of "first second." First second? First and then second? What does that have anything to do with this problem................OH. First second, like seconds in an hour. OH.
Am I cognitively impaired? Or just inattentive. I don't know but this is the reality of my existence. Do I embody what my peers call "hopelessly stupid"?
I really don't know. But
I think I am a body that runs on pure intuition.
When I'm inspired, I produce. Great things. Art is done by intuition. Never forced, it kind of just makes itself--like war in reverse, just falls into place.
I feel a lot. And intuitively run off with ambition. When I feel the colors start to vibrate I let them run, run away and I chase after them. (Bloc Party fans anyone?) Music feeds its energy.
been thinking about my psychology. My own
Conclusion: I'm scatterbrained.
Like, way too frequently than the level of social acceptance.
The longer I work as a server, the more this solidifies in me. To print a customer's bill, I have to enter the total amount into the POS system. Often I look at the number, say $46.53, and remember it as $34 or something completely without reason. It's not even worth pointing out that I can't memorize all 4 digits at once.
When I check the clock, it's as if I go through the motion of turning to look at the clock and turn back to my work, only to realize that I have no idea what the clock said.
I was working on a physics question "What is the distance traveled by the plane in the first second of its run?" I stared at this for a good 30 seconds trying to decipher the meaning of "first second." First second? First and then second? What does that have anything to do with this problem................OH. First second, like seconds in an hour. OH.
Am I cognitively impaired? Or just inattentive. I don't know but this is the reality of my existence. Do I embody what my peers call "hopelessly stupid"?
I really don't know. But
I think I am a body that runs on pure intuition.
When I'm inspired, I produce. Great things. Art is done by intuition. Never forced, it kind of just makes itself--like war in reverse, just falls into place.
I feel a lot. And intuitively run off with ambition. When I feel the colors start to vibrate I let them run, run away and I chase after them. (Bloc Party fans anyone?) Music feeds its energy.
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