Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I'm all worn out
痛いねー
やっぱり辛いね、きっぱり終わってしまうのは
こういう時はいさぎよく泣くべきだね
うわーつーらーいー
うわー
うわーーー
(・∀・)
何でだろうね
こういう事に関して何もかもうまくいかないのは
どうして？
ねえどうしてなの
いないよこんな20歳どこにも
虚しすぎるじゃん
泣けるw
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Norwegian Wood
I just--literally a minute ago--remembered a girl from a class I took the summer before entering college. Her name was Emily, I think--she was a little heavier than average, viet, loud, used vernacular language and always informed me about how much she drank the previous weekend. I also became friends with her friend, who I remember wearing a beanie and had long bangs. So we sat together every class, the three of us: an alcoholic, a lesbian and a nerd.
Emily was such character. She wasn't the brightest, wasn't the prettiest, but her presence was unmistakable. When the professor talked about how many calories per gram were in alcohol, she balked and laughed, HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHERE I GET ALL THIS FAT FROM HAHAHA.
On the last day of class she said to me, "You know, every semester I meet one cool person." She left the classroom and I saw her smile and wave from the window. I don't remember if I waved back. But that was one of those moments you feel happy about people...I want to meet more people like her.
Emily was such character. She wasn't the brightest, wasn't the prettiest, but her presence was unmistakable. When the professor talked about how many calories per gram were in alcohol, she balked and laughed, HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHERE I GET ALL THIS FAT FROM HAHAHA.
On the last day of class she said to me, "You know, every semester I meet one cool person." She left the classroom and I saw her smile and wave from the window. I don't remember if I waved back. But that was one of those moments you feel happy about people...I want to meet more people like her.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
SOmeitmes I just
float around in my mind. A lot of what's recorded here are fragments of it.
perhaps I should flag them and craft stories. maybe...
perhaps I should flag them and craft stories. maybe...
LEVEL D
Some people live in a way that I just can't understand. I'm a very specific person that likes only specific things. This hard core drug business isn't really my cup of tea. I'm moderately liberal but I get nervous with anything past LSD. Intravenous drugs give me the heeby jeebies.
I'm a little attached to this band and I've relaxed my mind with them a little so it's rather a shock to read about the massive show of debauchery at its originating coop. I don't understand the way that they live. I think that these people are very intelligent people, I just can't understand the way that they want to put themselves out there just for the sake of fun. I must be a very serious person in contrast. Actually this goes for the majority of college students. I'm drawn to the way that these people live. Yuppies, whatever. Like them I believe in art, organic living, recreational drugs for spiritual moments, meditative yoga and good spirits. But I would never bring myself to immerse in this kind of living. First of all that's not the environment I'm used to, I don't like obnoxious, I HATE obnoxious, I like personal space, and I'm caught up in the educational system...and I'm terribly self-conscious. I'm not really sure what to make of this. But say I just threw everything out and joined this living. What would you make of that?
I'm a little attached to this band and I've relaxed my mind with them a little so it's rather a shock to read about the massive show of debauchery at its originating coop. I don't understand the way that they live. I think that these people are very intelligent people, I just can't understand the way that they want to put themselves out there just for the sake of fun. I must be a very serious person in contrast. Actually this goes for the majority of college students. I'm drawn to the way that these people live. Yuppies, whatever. Like them I believe in art, organic living, recreational drugs for spiritual moments, meditative yoga and good spirits. But I would never bring myself to immerse in this kind of living. First of all that's not the environment I'm used to, I don't like obnoxious, I HATE obnoxious, I like personal space, and I'm caught up in the educational system...and I'm terribly self-conscious. I'm not really sure what to make of this. But say I just threw everything out and joined this living. What would you make of that?
Sunday, July 22, 2012
i;m back to save the universe
What is creativity? What does it mean to be creative?
I can safely say that in my life I've honestly liked two people. Gosh how hard a thing to swallow.
I can safely say that in my life I've honestly liked two people. Gosh how hard a thing to swallow.
Monday, April 9, 2012
what do you know
feel like throwing up, saying fuck this shit fuck you all just fuck it's 1:29am i want to sleep but i have an outline to write
fuck shit fuck
you know,
you really did ruin a lot of things for me. It's probably not your fault but it's what's happened nonetheless. I've lost dignity, integrity and now I lie complete lies with a straight face and play dumb. A defense mechanism, that's all. You could've reaped the benefits. Instead you were too preoccupied. Do you think I'm a fool? A fucking hopeless fool? So much potential initially, strange, what the hell is she thinking, what a shame... is that what you think, shrugging it off nodding as everyone nods in a mutual agreement? I'll tell you what, you all are too quick to judge. What's wrong with being a vegan, what's wrong with a bit of tastelessness that doesn't jive perfectly with your self-absorbed preferences? Piss off man, now I'm lost and I need to find my way back. In a few weeks, I'll burn some shit.
And all I want to do is listen to Radiohead. That's all. And study. Get good grades. Blow off all my money on concerts and music festivals. Read, read a lot and sip a lot of tea. I'll go where I want to when I want to, fuck off. Yeah I'm being a selfish little bitch. I'm sorry but still though...fuck off.
fuck shit fuck
you know,
you really did ruin a lot of things for me. It's probably not your fault but it's what's happened nonetheless. I've lost dignity, integrity and now I lie complete lies with a straight face and play dumb. A defense mechanism, that's all. You could've reaped the benefits. Instead you were too preoccupied. Do you think I'm a fool? A fucking hopeless fool? So much potential initially, strange, what the hell is she thinking, what a shame... is that what you think, shrugging it off nodding as everyone nods in a mutual agreement? I'll tell you what, you all are too quick to judge. What's wrong with being a vegan, what's wrong with a bit of tastelessness that doesn't jive perfectly with your self-absorbed preferences? Piss off man, now I'm lost and I need to find my way back. In a few weeks, I'll burn some shit.
And all I want to do is listen to Radiohead. That's all. And study. Get good grades. Blow off all my money on concerts and music festivals. Read, read a lot and sip a lot of tea. I'll go where I want to when I want to, fuck off. Yeah I'm being a selfish little bitch. I'm sorry but still though...fuck off.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
okay
okay OKAY OOOOKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY 5 more days okay 5 more then I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee LET'S GO DAWG WKJEKKJHWEKRQUHUQU!!!!!!!
temporary
i don't want to go to work i don't want to go to work i don't want to go to work 5 more times i hope i can make it ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Friday, February 24, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
pogo
I'm in the library sitting by this dude.
Another kid is coming down the stairs. The first dude raises his hand.
They share a quick greet (bro-code and everything) as the first dude gets up to leave his table for a bit.
The friend unpacks his study materials and what do you know, slides a candy bar under his friend's book, keeping one for himself.
The dude comes back. He notices, gestures to the candy bar as if to say thanks man. His friend gestures back with a thumbs up: "got yo back man." And points at his share. They smirk and go right back to studying.
Sometimes I wish I were a dude.
Another kid is coming down the stairs. The first dude raises his hand.
They share a quick greet (bro-code and everything) as the first dude gets up to leave his table for a bit.
The friend unpacks his study materials and what do you know, slides a candy bar under his friend's book, keeping one for himself.
The dude comes back. He notices, gestures to the candy bar as if to say thanks man. His friend gestures back with a thumbs up: "got yo back man." And points at his share. They smirk and go right back to studying.
Sometimes I wish I were a dude.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
weird
Lately
been thinking about my psychology. My own
Conclusion: I'm scatterbrained.
Like, way too frequently than the level of social acceptance.
The longer I work as a server, the more this solidifies in me. To print a customer's bill, I have to enter the total amount into the POS system. Often I look at the number, say $46.53, and remember it as $34 or something completely without reason. It's not even worth pointing out that I can't memorize all 4 digits at once.
When I check the clock, it's as if I go through the motion of turning to look at the clock and turn back to my work, only to realize that I have no idea what the clock said.
I was working on a physics question "What is the distance traveled by the plane in the first second of its run?" I stared at this for a good 30 seconds trying to decipher the meaning of "first second." First second? First and then second? What does that have anything to do with this problem................OH. First second, like seconds in an hour. OH.
Am I cognitively impaired? Or just inattentive. I don't know but this is the reality of my existence. Do I embody what my peers call "hopelessly stupid"?
I really don't know. But
I think I am a body that runs on pure intuition.
When I'm inspired, I produce. Great things. Art is done by intuition. Never forced, it kind of just makes itself--like war in reverse, just falls into place.
I feel a lot. And intuitively run off with ambition. When I feel the colors start to vibrate I let them run, run away and I chase after them. (Bloc Party fans anyone?) Music feeds its energy.
been thinking about my psychology. My own
Conclusion: I'm scatterbrained.
Like, way too frequently than the level of social acceptance.
The longer I work as a server, the more this solidifies in me. To print a customer's bill, I have to enter the total amount into the POS system. Often I look at the number, say $46.53, and remember it as $34 or something completely without reason. It's not even worth pointing out that I can't memorize all 4 digits at once.
When I check the clock, it's as if I go through the motion of turning to look at the clock and turn back to my work, only to realize that I have no idea what the clock said.
I was working on a physics question "What is the distance traveled by the plane in the first second of its run?" I stared at this for a good 30 seconds trying to decipher the meaning of "first second." First second? First and then second? What does that have anything to do with this problem................OH. First second, like seconds in an hour. OH.
Am I cognitively impaired? Or just inattentive. I don't know but this is the reality of my existence. Do I embody what my peers call "hopelessly stupid"?
I really don't know. But
I think I am a body that runs on pure intuition.
When I'm inspired, I produce. Great things. Art is done by intuition. Never forced, it kind of just makes itself--like war in reverse, just falls into place.
I feel a lot. And intuitively run off with ambition. When I feel the colors start to vibrate I let them run, run away and I chase after them. (Bloc Party fans anyone?) Music feeds its energy.
aromaticity
Do you ever wonder,
play a simulation in your mind about something you would never actually do in real life?
When you stare at something so fragil and beautiful, do you think about what would happen if you decided to bash it.
At college there is a building that has on display the complete skeleton of a tyrannosaurus rex. Yes, a real one. It's one of those things a college would be very proud about. I used to have classes in that building 3 times a week so I passed by it a lot. And every time I did, I would wonder what would happen if I pulled off one of the bones, stuffed it in my bag and left.
Or when you're sitting in a bus, across from two strangers, both of whom happen to be reading a book. What if I took their books and switched them. What if they paused for a second, furrowed their brows a bit but commenced to read this new material. I'd love for it to go down like that, just once.
play a simulation in your mind about something you would never actually do in real life?
When you stare at something so fragil and beautiful, do you think about what would happen if you decided to bash it.
At college there is a building that has on display the complete skeleton of a tyrannosaurus rex. Yes, a real one. It's one of those things a college would be very proud about. I used to have classes in that building 3 times a week so I passed by it a lot. And every time I did, I would wonder what would happen if I pulled off one of the bones, stuffed it in my bag and left.
Or when you're sitting in a bus, across from two strangers, both of whom happen to be reading a book. What if I took their books and switched them. What if they paused for a second, furrowed their brows a bit but commenced to read this new material. I'd love for it to go down like that, just once.
leader
Maybe I should start this blog all over again.
This has no direction.
I actually do want to start blogging again.
Sometime, though, probably not now.
Why? Um. Procrastination told me so.
Though I do want to write,
about thoughts and revelations
about photography techniques and organic chemistry
about music and music and music
i'll save all the ranting for my other blog
maybe i'll actually make this one a public blog
like, an overtly public one
Recently
I've been enamored by chemistry. It's such a strange attachment, even for me.
I don't really know if I actually do like it, or if I just like embellishing my mind with these abstract concepts--because you know, number fours (individualists) quite like being different. oh ho.
Recently
I've had this one thing on my mind. Constantly, and it's getting pretty ridiculous, even for me.
A month ago I had decided to find closure about it. But now I've grown greedy.
But what's there to do? I need a plan. And a date (Is April okay?) This conspiracy is on.
Recently
Work has gotten on my nerves. End of story.
This has no direction.
I actually do want to start blogging again.
Sometime, though, probably not now.
Why? Um. Procrastination told me so.
Though I do want to write,
about thoughts and revelations
about photography techniques and organic chemistry
about music and music and music
i'll save all the ranting for my other blog
maybe i'll actually make this one a public blog
like, an overtly public one
Recently
I've been enamored by chemistry. It's such a strange attachment, even for me.
I don't really know if I actually do like it, or if I just like embellishing my mind with these abstract concepts--because you know, number fours (individualists) quite like being different. oh ho.
Recently
I've had this one thing on my mind. Constantly, and it's getting pretty ridiculous, even for me.
A month ago I had decided to find closure about it. But now I've grown greedy.
But what's there to do? I need a plan. And a date (Is April okay?) This conspiracy is on.
Recently
Work has gotten on my nerves. End of story.
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