better than the original

went memorial day sale shopping today though i felt really sleepy the whole time. a few times i felt like for a split second i wasn't conscious, i wasn't there but somewhere else. actually that happens quite often in my life dunno why but my mind is pretty fuzzy a lot of the time. i also cannot see too well, it's a hassle to wear glasses and i'm not too into relying on contacts either. to add, my hearing isn't quite there haha. what a condition. i've been meaning to go to costco to get a hearing test...
i got a very nice olive colored blazer at club monaco today. although i must say it was a tad expensive. i bought some makeup from the drugstore too, lately been obsessively wanting new makeup...

tomorrow apparently ren and my mum are going to the park to meet up with ren's friend and her mum. maybe  i will photograph some drawings then, maybe photoshop

sometimes i think, how cool would it be to go to college to study art. sometimes this feeling gets to be so overwhelming and i get jittery, like i shouldn't be doing what i'm doing right now. i mean life would be way different from how it is at the moment, i would be thinking so differently and feeling so differently. my stress would no longer be "i need a 95% on the next paper to get an A in the class" and instead "this painting has something missing but i don't know what it is." though personally the latter is much more straining. but then the feeling goes away with a snap, like nothing ever happened.
one night in college i went to my friend hannah's dorm with jennifer to what started as homework time that all to quickly just became us talking until very late at night. that talk i still remember very well. hannah and jennifer were talking about an application-based summer arts program called csssa, where they met and became good friends. they talked  and talked nostalgically about how amazing that one month camp was, how they just made art morning to night, how their peers were the most amazing and talented people they'd ever met. they agreed they were the happiest then and it was the best month of their lives. i was sold. to be honest i don't really like listening to others' stories but this i was all ears. explosions in the sky was playing on repeat all night that day and i could not help but want to just immerse myself in art like that. dawn to dusk to late into the night until i hear the first birds to chirp that morning.

sometimes i feel i ought to. but anyway, it's nice to finally have speakers to listen to music with