i don't really like today

i'm not in a very good mood right now
here's my rant that i can't dump on anyone

i hate that i'm sick and that my nose is stuffy and runny at the same time
i hate that i'm sleepy
i hate that my jaw is still sore and i can't eat real food
i hate that i don't have my own room to shut myself into and have the slightest bit of privacy
i hate that when i do something nice it backfires on me
i hate that i still have to take care of the most whiny, demanding two year old who is also sick
i hate that my mom went to eat out with her friends for me to take care of moody ren
i hate that ren screams and cries and is impatient with everything
i hate that ren never listens to anyone
i hate that ren can't play by himself and i always have to be with him
i hate that i have to ask my mom sweetly if i can hang out with my friends for a bit
i hate that my mom gets mad at me for my occasional hanging out with my friends anyway
i hate looking at facebook pictures of my friends being happy with their family/friends and thinking do they really deserve that
i hate that my feet are cold right now
i hate that i don't have insurance and can't drive
i hate that i don't have any time for myself
i hate that i don't know how to make myself feel better
i hate that it's only about the 5th day home and i already feel like i can't make it
i hate that home is not a respite for me
i hate that i can't cry right now
i hate that he won't do anything
i hate that she and he can't get along
i hate that she is sad
i hate that HE's so far away


i hate that my mind is going
i hate home
i hate this place where i have to be on my toes 24/7
i need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay
promise me everything will me okay
i hate that i don't have anyone to depend on to do that for me