weird

Lately

been thinking about my psychology. My own

Conclusion: I'm scatterbrained.
Like, way too frequently than the level of social acceptance.

The longer I work as a server, the more this solidifies in me. To print a customer's bill, I have to enter the total amount into the POS system. Often I look at the number, say $46.53, and remember it as $34 or something completely without reason. It's not even worth pointing out that I can't memorize all 4 digits at once.

When I check the clock, it's as if I go through the motion of turning to look at the clock and turn back to my work, only to realize that I have no idea what the clock said.

I was working on a physics question "What is the distance traveled by the plane in the first second of its run?" I stared at this for a good 30 seconds trying to decipher the meaning of "first second." First second? First and then second? What does that have anything to do with this problem................OH. First second, like seconds in an hour. OH.

Am I cognitively impaired? Or just inattentive. I don't know but this is the reality of my existence. Do I embody what my peers call "hopelessly stupid"?

I really don't know. But
I think I am a body that runs on pure intuition.
When I'm inspired, I produce. Great things. Art is done by intuition. Never forced, it kind of just makes itself--like war in reverse, just falls into place.

I feel a lot. And intuitively run off with ambition. When I feel the colors start to vibrate I let them run, run away and I chase after them. (Bloc Party fans anyone?) Music feeds its energy.

aromaticity

Do you ever wonder,
play a simulation in your mind about something you would never actually do in real life?

When you stare at something so fragil and beautiful, do you think about what would happen if you decided to bash it.

At college there is a building that has on display the complete skeleton of a tyrannosaurus rex. Yes, a real one. It's one of those things a college would be very proud about. I used to have classes in that building 3 times a week so I passed by it a lot. And every time I did, I would wonder what would happen if I pulled off one of the bones, stuffed it in my bag and left.

Or when you're sitting in a bus, across from two strangers, both of whom happen to be reading a book. What if I took their books and switched them. What if they paused for a second, furrowed their brows a bit but commenced to read this new material. I'd love for it to go down like that, just once.

leader

Maybe I should start this blog all over again.
This has no direction.


I actually do want to start blogging again.
Sometime, though, probably not now.
Why? Um. Procrastination told me so.

Though I do want to write,
about thoughts and revelations
about photography techniques and organic chemistry
about music and music and music
i'll save all the ranting for my other blog
maybe i'll actually make this one a public blog
like, an overtly public one

Recently
I've been enamored by chemistry. It's such a strange attachment, even for me.
I don't really know if I actually do like it, or if I just like embellishing my mind with these abstract concepts--because you know, number fours (individualists) quite like being different. oh ho.

Recently
I've had this one thing on my mind. Constantly, and it's getting pretty ridiculous, even for me.
A month ago I had decided to find closure about it. But now I've grown greedy.
But what's there to do? I need a plan. And a date (Is April okay?) This conspiracy is on.

Recently
Work has gotten on my nerves. End of story.

vegetation

泣きたいのに泣けない時ってどうすればいいの

stanfurd

あああれえええ・・・・
心が揺れる馬鹿じゃないの

wrap it up and keep it there...

hey


let's paint our walls all black like the sky
and speckle it with stars and planets and galaxies
dot candles around our room and trail them to the bathtub

let's get tattoos of flying birds
let's breathe, breathe deeply, feel it together

let's go hide in the library
in the nooks and crannies of books on etiquette and embroidery
2:02am sush keep quiet shhh shh...until the lights go off and i say, look now darling, the world is forever ours.....his head cradled in my arms, oh how beautiful.........


this is what i dream
as i share a bed with you
my unblinking eyes glowing in the dark
my heart is stone--yes
but you can't lie, life is all but a game
so what am i to do.

slc

うわ最悪きめえ